When it was time to take the official DNF (Did Not Finish) result for my first 100 mile attempt, I was honestly okay with it. If you missed my post-race Instagram on Sunday morning, it’s a succinct little snapshot of my Rocky Raccoon 100 Endurance Trail Run experience:
As I crawled into bed after a wee-hours van ride home on Sunday morning, I wasn’t quite ready to snooze, so I used a few of those quiet minutes to compose that brief update. It had been around five hours since I’d made the decision to stop, and I was still at peace as I posted.
It’s now been more than 48 hours, and I still don’t regret my decision to withdraw.
It’s a recovery week tradition for me to create a journal page after each race featuring my race bib and results. This morning as I picked out Posca pens to match my race bib, I felt inspired to use my official “race result” of DNF as the main part of my composition.
It’s my first one, and I’m proud of the decision I made.
I’m owning it.
An excerpt from an email to my coach on Monday:
As I was leaving the Nature Center Aid Station with Patrick and M, I met another racer hobbling away. He also DNF'd and told me that he "downgraded" the the 100k. I asked a little about that, and learned that it was a possibility (particularly since I made sure to hobble over that Nature Center timing mat one last time before I officially removed my timing chip and turned it in!) to still earn a 100k belt buckle, but that DNF would remain for my 100 mile race result.
And you know, I considered this option for about two minutes before realizing that although I can celebrate the miles I *did* do, I know I wouldn't wear a Rocky Raccoon 100k buckle with much swagger when I was going after the 100 mile one. At that point the buckle would just be another "thing," not an award that I'd treasure.
So when Patrick asked if I wanted to make it over to the start/finish to work out that downgrade with race officials, I declined. I'll celebrate my 100+k with my race t-shirt. :) :) :) Those almost 70 miles are nothing to sneeze at!
Part of the sentiment here is that I’m accepting the DNF, not trying to reframe it. There’s really nothing to reframe.
I showed up. I raced. I wasn’t able to finish, and that was absolutely the right decision for me that day. This is a part of my ultra running journey—a piece of the longer term picture that (hopefully!) leads to different 100 mile finish (& commemorative belt buckle).
I’m about as interested in a consolation prize as I am in hobbling that last 31 miles to the finish line.
So the buckle can wait.
And just for the record, it wasn’t only the 100 mile belt buckle on the table. As I processed with my two man crew and the aid station captain that night at Nature Center before formally removing my timing chip, I was giving up a Western States Endurance Run qualifier. Rocky Raccoon’s been on my calendar for over a year; it was how I was going to put my ticket into the 2024 WSER lottery.
So back to the drawing board!
WSER is a long term goal, and Rocky Raccoon is still a part of the path and process to that goal, even as a DNF versus as a qualifier.
As with any race, I learned a lot, and the 69.6 miles I completed this weekend were worth the time and effort. I’ll be processing this experience for weeks to come.
If you’re curious, stick around—I’d love to share those miles with you.
DNF.